Gaffe
NCJPS Diaries, Chapter-9
Part-II (Nervous Overture)
…in continuation from Chapter-8
With initial setback still fresh, I ascended to XI-A. Newly minted class had many first timers, besides retaining few old ones - with me and Autumn Girl coming in latter category. While she remained on first row benches, I with sullen face relegated myself to last row, maintaining as bigger distance as I could. Among new entrants was ‘Saade Aath’ from erstwhile X-B and a tomboyish, hazel eyed Sikh girl from erstwhile X-C. During inaugural days of re-raised class everyone remained aloof, encompassed in their own pre-defined ecosystems. Eventually the silos broke and we started exploring each other. I was particularly amused with the mannerism of Tomboyish Girl and fascinated by her ‘I give a damn’ attitude. She was one unignorable exclusive piece of universe.
One day while Bhatnagar ma’am was drawing ‘auricles and ventricles’ on the board, I noticed she was drawing ‘Fido-Dido’ in her notebook. My attempt to peep a little more caught her attention. As the class got over, she came stomping and demanded- “kya dekh rahe thy?” I opened the last page of my Bio copy and showed her insignia of MTV which I was drawing. “Similar way to kill boredom” - I explained. “Sahi hai” - she grinned and returned to her seat. She was not quite brilliant in studies and often found it difficult to keep pace. A step ahead in such disinterest, I was hardly attending and rarely attentive. When the term results were out, I scored better than her. “Tere itne marks kaise aa gaye?” - she cheerfully asked me to explain. “Kyuki meri drawing tere se better hai aur ma’am ko Fido-Dido se jyada MTV pasand hai, isliye”. The look she gave me with our report cards in her hand reflected a sense of bonding. I presume there was a soft spot for me in her otherwise aggressive demeanor.
Unable to resist, few days later I was again trying to peep into her copy to find out what she was upto, when she turned slowly and smiled. Her smile was attractive, her laughter infectious. I wondered if I had fallen in love again, though there were no apparent symptoms of any such development. In a light fun-filled manner, I told our common friend to pass the message that ‘I feel there’s something more brewing than being just friends’. ‘I need time to think about it’ - pat came the reply. That caught me off guard. But my strings definitely strummed. ‘So let it be’ - I thought of swimming with the flow. In little time our closeness grew. My bench mate who was witness to all this, opened up - “Brother, I’m warning you, she’ll make a monkey out of you. Bach ke reh, bahut tez hai wo. Pehle bata raha hun”. His discouraging advice got me worried. Soon, supplementary to his somber views, I heard her yelling “abbe saale idhar aa…” to a fellow classmate and on another day saw her holding a boy by the collar of his shirt. My worry turned into scare. After all, I didn’t want my kids to see their mother holding me by collar and shouting ‘abbe saale’. This nervous overture made me commit a huge gaffe.
Thereon, I averted looking at her and intentionally spread a misleading gossip of me rekindling the old flame with Autumn Girl, besides linking self to couple more. To cement the rumor, I had to beat up Nitin Sharma in full public view for getting cozier with Autumn Girl. The entire commotion was deliberately initiated in her presence. Today, I am extremely ashamed of my conduct and tender sincere apologies to Nitin, though what I did is unpardonable.
Very next day, she approached me and ordered me to see her at the backside of stage during recess time. When I reached the designated place, she was already there standing alone under the Jamun tree. With piercing gaze and terse voice she said - “You are an impossible person Gagan. Thode din aur ruk nahi sakte thy”. There were tears in her hazel eyes before she left. I remained at the secluded place for rest of the break, struggling to comprehend what she tried to convey. She refused speaking to me thereafter. Technically, that was the last time we spoke or rather had a two sentence monologue. I kept receiving her angry looks with indirect jibes and feared to face verbal lashes of her tongue someday. But she was kind enough for having spared me of any such humiliation. We passed out in 1995 and immediately afterwards, news of her untimely demise came. While strolling on the beach, a bolt of lightning snuffed out her promising life.
Dear Hazel Eyed, I get sad every time I think about you. I seek your forgiveness, as today I precisely know what you meant on that day, at the backside of stage under the Jamun tree.
